Journal Entry 6 – Father Figure

Dear Diary -

What the hell am I lookin at? Right now, I’m sittin here on my floor, starin at some freaky lookin bird thing, half out of its egg, runnin around my house like some kinda fool.  It’s got Vera so wound up, she’s on top of my bed, arched up, hair stickin straight up.  That’ll teach me to help out the orphans… Eggbert she called it.  Eggbert the crazy chicken vulture is what I call it.

Oh well… I can’t really get rid of it, so it’s here to stay, at least until I can pawn it off on some unsuspectin sap.

It all started two days ago…

I had just arrived back in Shattrath, after stoppin K’Vorkian’s insane experiment up in Netherstorm. My poor Vera was all irritable and hungry, so I fed her, got her bed ready and decided to head down to the pub in the Lower City.  Grape opted to come with me, so we shambled out into the chilly night, taken in the sights and smells of the city.

Now, I may be a Huntard, but I was raised in the city… Stormwind to be precise.  I never knew my kin.  When I got old enough to ask the lady runnin the orphanage who my folk were, she couldn’t tell me.  I pressed her for detail, havin convinced myself that my father was some great heroic figure in the war, and my ma had died in some big ole tragedy.  I badgered and badgered the staff at the orphanage for days, weeks and even months.  Finally, I guess they couldn’t take it anymore, so they finally snapped and began yellin at me.

“Your parents left you here cause you were too damned ugly!” the first lady said.

I stood, shocked for a minute, then shuffled out of the room.  Not believein what the crazy woman had said, I decided to press on. I kept askin around, pesterin the staff, hopin that one of them would give me the real answer.  Eventually, one by one, they all told me the same thing… “Ugly baby,” and “face looked like you were hit with a fryin pan,” were two of the more memorable comments.

Buncha psycho liars.  I’m devishly handsome! I know, cause Cinderellie tells me so.

Oops, I got sidetracked a bit! Where was I?  Oh yeah, I was talkin about my walk around Shattrath with Grape.  Well, we never made it to the pub that night.  Instead, as I was walkin by the local orphanage, I saw a sign that they were lookin for short term volunteers to help them out.  Decidin to erase some of my bad memories, I went in and talked to the lady.  She explained to me that they had a buncha kids there that were dyin to see the world outside of the walls of Shattrath.  They were lookin for adventurers that would help fulfill the wishes of these poor tykes, and take them on a grand adventure, around the world.

Well, no sooner had the lady spoken, than Grape had plucked up one of the little Draenei girls, tossed her in my backpack and wandered out the door, draggin me with him.  I tried to explain to Grape that the kid wasn’t for sale, but he wasn’t payin me no mind.  Instead, he dragged me to the dockin bay and beat his chest, callin for Bearkiller.  With a grumpy roar, Bearkiller stomped out, eye boogers still in her eyes.

“Haven’t you heard of the sayin ‘don’t wake sleeping dragons?’” I asked Grape, who was busy climbin on to Bearkiller’s back.

Lookin over my shoulder for the authorities, I hopped onboard my netherdrake, confident that at any moment I was goin to be arrested for kidnappin.  However, that didn’t happen. Instead, the little girl poked her head out from my backpack and began flappin her gums about wantin to go see the summonin stone at Auchindoun.  I rolled my eyes, shoved the kid back down into my backpack and Bearkiller took off.

A few minutes later, after divin into the trees a few times and gettin me almost knocked off, (I don’t think Bearkiller was happy about bein awoken from her nap) we arrived at the stone in Auchindoun.  I pulled the girl from the backpack and placed her on the ground.  Almost immediately she began runnin around like a lunatic and activatin the stone, creatin portal after portal, talkin about how wonderful it was and yadda yadda.

After I lost my patience, I grabbed up the kid by the scruff of her neck, tossed her into my backpack again and listened as she blabbed on and on about seein place after place after place.  Grape amused her on the trip by playin peek-a-boo and pickin the lice out of her hair. He’s such a good ape.  I eventually got bored, grabbed my bottle of whiskey and got drunk, offerin it to the kid every once in a while to keep her warm. 

About five hours later, and after visitin Exodor, Shattrath, the Dark Portal and the Caverns of Time, I finally hearthed us all back to Shattrath, headin straight to the Lower City Orphanage upon arrival.  Yankin the runt out of my backpack, I underhand tossed her through the door and wiped my hands off on my pants. Filthy kids…

Lookin up, I saw the orphanage lady starin in disbelief at me… “WHAT? Kid’s got fleas or sumthin…” I said in response to her silent accusations.

Before I could leave tho, the brat came runnin back out of the inn, clung on to my leg and began thankin me for takin her around and showin her the sights.  She told me she’d never forget the Hero of Canton (that’s Me!) and gave me this large spotted egg.

I realize now, it was a practical joke.

So, here I sit, starin at this deformed chicken-vulture thing runnin around my house, knockin my stuff around and gettin into all kinds of trouble.  I’m sure Vera will get annoyed enough at some point that she’ll just snap the thing up in her jaws and be done with it. Until then, I’ve got yet another idiot to feed, and his name is Eggbert.